Ughhhhhh. I had the worst abdominal pain today. Seriously, THE WORST. I thought I was dying. Or at the very least, it felt like labor without an epidural. And I know what that feels like.

So, when I was finally able to speak through the pain, I called my doctor-cousin-friend for a phone consultation. I wanted to know whether a trip to the ER would be necessary. It was like a real consultation too…

Where is the pain localized?

On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the pain?

How long have you been having this pain?

Any fever?

Any nausea?

Any diarrhea?

Is it epigastric (huh? Apparently, she meant “is the pain ascending toward your esophagus”. Why didn’t she just say that???)

Any recent UTI? (I know. doctors ask EVERYTHING!)

When was your last period?

Could you be pregnant? (Oh Good Lord. Sure hope not)

Have you been exercising more than usual? (hahaha)

Then she said “take 600mg Ibuprofen and call me back in an hour if the pain gets worse.” The pain went away. Mostly.

 I’m still not sure what caused the pain, and now I’m just tired.

PS: She thinks I was ovulating…whhatttt?? Since when is that supposed to hurt like that? Nothing is fair about this. N O T H I N G.